...Which is a really beautiful thing.
And, when your child has a substance use problem, it can also be a really painful and confusing thing.
You know you have to set boundaries, but you wonder if they're too loose or too firm.
You're not sure if you're enabling or helping, and you want to know if you should be doing more...or less.
You want a good relationship with your child, but you're tired of paying...financially, emotionally, or physically for your adult child's choices.
You want to "let go" and focus on your own life - without the guilt and worry. But, what if there's something else you could say or do to help? And what about your other strained relationships?
It can be draining and chronic.
You've made progress by...
Practicing self-care for your body and mind
Participating in peer-run support groups
Putting energy into "positive thinking"
Distracting yourself by staying busy
Setting boundaries and "detaching with love"
But, despite these efforts to feel better...
Your emotions live just under the surface and cause you to act out of anger, fear, or guilt
You still try to control others in subtle ways
You think you need to "let go" of your adult child in order to take care of yourself
You get stuck in obsessive thinking or worry, and struggle with decisions
When parents are stressed by something as painful as addiction in their adult children, they tend to live in the "Fight or Flight" response...which can be helpful when we can fight or flee the problem. But I don't have to tell you that, because we cannot control our adult children, we also cannot solve the problem of addiction.
So what happens? We enter a chronic state of stress...and we lose sight of who we really are. When we are in emotional pain, we try to get rid of that pain however we can. But, the pain is there. The truth is that when we try to avoid or control it..it makes us do and say things that tend to cause more harm than good.
We start looking outside of ourselves for what we "should" do: to our friends, family, Nar Anon buddies, and well-meaning professionals who don't know our unique situations, the various consequences of our actions, or WHO and HOW we want to be.
Let's face it. You weren't taught how to deal with ALL the challenges that this situation brings. There wasn't a class for Moms of addicted adult children on how to cope with the ongoing uncertainty, the waves of emotion, or on how to set boundaries with loved ones when addiction is involved. And if there was, it didn't come from someone who truly understood all the hidden nooks and crannies that come with this problem.
There IS now...
I can help you cut through all the noise and random advice out there about boundaries, enabling, and “letting go;” and find a clear path through this journey.
I teach parents evidence-based and other practices that align with your unique situation, instead of advice that is preached by others - and often keep us stuck in suffering. My goal is to help you find your own answers AND to guide you past all the obstacles to peace and happiness.
The Zen Community is Not:
"Pop psychology” or inspirational “fluff” that sounds good but doesn’t actually achieve long-term results and peace.
Therapy. This isn't group counseling, as it doesn't treat mental health illnesses. It offers coaching and/or teaching that focuses on living well in the present and future.
A typical peer support group. Many of the groups for parents in this situation out there are led by other parents without expertise in psychological well-being, or by psychology experts who don't have personal experience.
A place where you will be told "cookie cutter" advice or what you "have to" do.
The Zen Community is:
A comprehensive program that guides you through transformative practices that can bring long-term peace.
Based on research and experience. You may be surprised to discover that the suggestions you've heard elsewhere are actually ineffective (or harmful) for long-term positive change.
A place that offers educational and experiential practices, led by a professional psychotherapist and parent mentor who is also walking alongside you in this journey.
Tailor-made for Moms of addicted adult children. You will be encouraged to start where you are, listen to your intuition, and make heart-based decisions for yourself.
Be Supported
You can join me and a group of other Moms who are dedicated to self-growth and positive change.
Gain Clarity
I will cut through all the confusing and conflicting advice out there and show you what to focus on, so that you can move forward and make progress.
Build Confidence
You will learn practical, research-based skills so that you will always know what to do with the painful emotions, damaged relationships, and unhealthy behaviors that commonly arise. And, it's all in one place.
Practice Peace
You will have access 24/7 to Meditations that guide you in practicing peace, decreasing reactivity, and looking inside for the answers, so that you can always help yourself.
Cultivate Compassion
You will be guided through exercises that are designed to help you improve relationships and increase compassion for yourself, your adult child, and others.
Achieve Freedom
You will discover how you can connect with your values and live an enriched life of your own – all while being a loving and compassionate parent.
• Each month, you will have access to...
~ Video lessons that teach different aspects of what helps parents to find peace and well-being. These are the "Pieces of Peace" I believe are important for parents in this situation. You'll be able to access a new lesson each month (about 20 total), and you'll be able to access them whenever you most need support. See below for some of the Topics covered.
~ Meditations that accompany each of these lessons and that are specifically designed to address the challenges parents face in a way that will help you practice what you learn from the lessons. These meditations help you to get out of obsessive thinking, connect with your self, and get insight so that you can feel more at peace, focus on your own life, and have healthier relationships.
~ Some of the lessons have optional written handouts and exercises that help you get further insight or practically apply what you learn.
• Each Month, we will also have live group meetings on Zoom, where I lead short practices that will help you practice what we preach (hello accountability!) followed by question and answer sessions, where you can ask about your specific challenges and get guidance from me and other fabulous Moms.
Join now for just $35/month!
(you can cancel at any time)
Here are just some of the Topics covered by my videos:
Self-Compassion - find out how to really love yourself - in very practical ways, which also shows us how to be loving to others.
Mindfulness of Thoughts - Learn the common "thinking traps" that keep parents in suffering and practice not buying into them.
Working with Difficult Emotions - Learn how to face and transform the "negative" emotions that come with this situation, and practice with Meditations that guide you.
Getting Comfortable with Uncertainty - Learn how to make the chronic uncertainty less of a trigger and how to respond to it in a helpful way - my meditation and exercises will show you how.
Grief and What Intensifies It - learn how NOT to add to the waves of grief, and how to ride those waves when they arise.
Living Your Values - Meditations and exercises will help you to tap into your True Nature, and help you to behave from love and not fear.
Mindful Boundaries - Learn how to make decisions for healthy boundaries, and use exercises and tables that guide you through a step-by-step process.
Guilt and Forgiveness - You will see what your feelings of guilt are really about, and how to help yourself through them so they don't keep you stuck.
Anxiety, Panic & Obsessive worry - Learn all about what to do when you are feeling anxious and can't stop worrying, from an expert in anxiety issues and disorders.
Compassionate Communication - Learn the difference between helpful and harmful communication, and how to contribute to a healthy, loving relationship with your child.
Other Relationships - Learn how to respond to judgment, blame, and "not being on the same page" with other loved ones.
Ambiguous Loss - Learn what research says is helpful for parents of addicted adult children, and how it supports my lessons and teachings.
I'm Victoria Stith, a licensed psychotherapist and parent coach who specializes in transforming problems using research-based methods, Zen Mindfulness, and my "super power" for seeing how individuals are maintaining suffering.
I've experienced first-hand the stress and bewilderment that result from having an adult child with a substance use problem. I worked hard to figure out and overcome the unique challenges that parents face. I discovered along the way that there is a LOT of noise out there about what you “should” do when you are the parent of an addicted adult.
But, the problem is so highly specialized, that family, friends, and even well-meaning professionals tend to give advice that leads to more harm than good. I saw that much of the information out there is inaccurate and doesn't honor the reality of your unique situation and human nature. I can't tell you how often I see parents struggling for years - doing what they've heard they "have to" do.
I can help you see exactly what is keeping you stressed and what is straining your relationships. I want to empower you with knowledge and practices to find true peace, while being the compassionate parent you want to be. Because loving yourself and loving your child are never mutually exclusive. In fact, they are interdependent.
You're ready if
- You're the Mom of an adult child (18 plus) with a drug/alchohol use problem, who is in active addiction or in recovery.
- You're ready to stop putting yourself last
- You want to be uplifted by a supportive group of parents with shared experiences.
- You're open to new perspectives and self-reflection.
You're not quite ready if
- You’re child is not yet an adult.
- You are looking for a "quick fix" to make your child choose recovery. (There's no such thing, alas.)
- You're looking for a place to vent your frustrations without making positive changes within yourself.
- You have trouble controlling your emotions in most situations.
- You are currently severely depressed.
1. When does the Zen Community begin?
It's ongoing! Within a few days after you join, you will receive access to the program materials, and you'll be able to join our next monthly Zoom meeting. Your access ends when you cancel your subscription through Pay Pal, or when it runs its course - whichever happens sooner. :)
2. When do I need to sign up by?
You can sign up by using the buttons on this page anytime for now, as long as we're still running!
3. How will I get access to the Lessons & Meditations?
They'll all be stored in one place - on a platform called Teachable, which you can log into and access them.
4. Will I need new technology or equipment?
The technology we'll utilize is simple and user-friendly. The educational lessons and exercises will be held by Teachable, and you'll receive a link from them by email. We'll use Zoom for our meetings, which is a free downloadable app that you use on your phone, tablet, or laptop and uses the device's camera.
5. What is the investment/cost?
The cost is $35 per month. Because you can cancel your membership and payment at any time, there are no refunds. Just about risk-free!
7. When will the monthly meetings take place?
The Live Group meetings currently run on the third Tuesday of each month, from 12 PM - 1:15 PM EST. You can stay for the whole meeting or pop in whenever you can.
8. What if I can't attend the meetings live?
I will be recording all video calls so you can view them and follow along with the practices at your convenience. You can also submit questions for me before they take place. This way, you can still get everything you need from the program if you need to miss the calls.
9. What will my biggest take-aways be as a member?
My mission is to help you access true peace and live according to your values, both as a parent and as a unique individual. I do this by giving you research-based tools that you can apply to your life, and by helping you "shed the shoulds" that have been ingrained by other sources. In short, the know-how that can lead you to peace, healthier relationships, relief, and freedom! YAY!
Your next steps...
Click on one of the payment buttons, and you will be taken to Pay Pal, where you can pay with a Pay Pal account, or with a credit or debit card.
You will receive an email from me with more info to get started by March 14th.
I can't wait to see you there!
Join now for just $35/month!
(you can cancel at any time)
